Relationships / en Little evidence linking five 'love languages' to healthy relationships, researchers say /news/little-evidence-linking-five-love-languages-healthy-relationships-researchers-say <span class="field field--name-title field--type-string field--label-hidden">Little evidence linking five 'love languages' to healthy relationships, researchers say</span> <div class="field field--name-field-featured-picture field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item"> <img loading="eager" srcset="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/2024-01/pexels-shvets-production-8933541-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=9Q7kv6Z5 370w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_740/public/2024-01/pexels-shvets-production-8933541-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=_QSa4_xS 740w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_1110/public/2024-01/pexels-shvets-production-8933541-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=4BnFE4NE 1110w" sizes="(min-width:1200px) 1110px, (max-width: 1199px) 80vw, (max-width: 767px) 90vw, (max-width: 575px) 95vw" width="740" height="494" src="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/2024-01/pexels-shvets-production-8933541-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=9Q7kv6Z5" alt="A man opens a gift received from his partner"> </div> <span class="field field--name-uid field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden"><span>Christopher.Sorensen</span></span> <span class="field field--name-created field--type-created field--label-hidden"><time datetime="2024-01-04T10:16:15-05:00" title="Thursday, January 4, 2024 - 10:16" class="datetime">Thu, 01/04/2024 - 10:16</time> </span> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-field-cutline-long field--type-text-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Cutline</div> <div class="field__item"><p><em>Assumptions around love languages, such as physical touch and gifts, don't hold up to scientific scrutiny, according to research by&nbsp;缅北强奸 Mississauga psychologist Emily Impett and her research partners (photo via Pexels)</em></p> </div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-reporters field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/authors-reporters/megan-easton" hreflang="en">Megan Easton</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-topic field--type-entity-reference field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Topic</div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/topics/breaking-research" hreflang="en">Breaking Research</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-story-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/graduate-students" hreflang="en">Graduate Students</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/psychology" hreflang="en">Psychology</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/relationships" hreflang="en">Relationships</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/research-innovation" hreflang="en">Research &amp; Innovation</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/u-t-mississauga" hreflang="en">缅北强奸 Mississauga</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-subheadline field--type-string-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Subheadline</div> <div class="field__item">缅北强奸 Mississauga's Emily Impett and her collaborators say good relationships are more like a balanced diet, where people receive a wide range of essential nutrients </div> </div> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field__item"><p>Even if you don鈥檛 know your love language, you鈥檝e probably heard of the concept.</p> <p>The theory鈥檚 pervasiveness in pop culture has only increased in the 30-odd years since Baptist minister Gary Chapman published his book&nbsp;<em>The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts</em>.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>But when psychology researchers at the University of Toronto decided to test Chapman鈥檚 main assumptions, they found they don鈥檛 stand up to scientific scrutiny.&nbsp;</p> <figure role="group" class="caption caption-drupal-media align-left"> <div> <div class="field field--name-field-media-image field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item"> <img loading="lazy" src="/sites/default/files/2024-01/Emily-Impett-supplied-image.jpg" width="300" height="400" alt="&quot;&quot;"> </div> </div> <figcaption><em>Emily Impett (supplied image)</em></figcaption> </figure> <p>鈥淲e were very skeptical about the love languages idea, so we decided to review the existing studies on it,鈥 says&nbsp;<strong>Emily Impett</strong>, a professor in 缅北强奸 Mississauga鈥檚 department of psychology who collaborated with graduate student&nbsp;<strong>Gideon Park</strong>&nbsp;and York University Assistant Professor <strong>Amy Muise</strong>.</p> <p>鈥淣one of the 10 studies supported Chapman鈥檚 claims.鈥</p> <p>For example, Chapman uses the language metaphor to represent how individuals tend to prefer giving and receiving love. The notion rests on three premises: that every person has a primary love language, that there are five love languages (physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and gifts), and that when couples 鈥渟peak鈥 the same love language it improves the quality of their relationships.&nbsp;</p> <p>But each of these assertions broke down when Impett and her team evaluated them against the 10 studies they reviewed (the team鈥檚 results are scheduled to be published in the journal&nbsp;<em>Current Directions in Psychological Science)</em>.&nbsp;</p> <p>鈥淧eople determine their primary love language by taking Chapman鈥檚 quiz, which forces them to select the expressions of love they find most meaningful,鈥 says Impett, who is also the director of <a href="https://www.emilyimpett.com/">the&nbsp;Relationships and Well-Being Laboratory</a>. 鈥淚t could be choosing between receiving gifts or holding hands, for example. These are trade-offs we don鈥檛 have to make in real life.</p> <p>鈥淚n fact, people report that they find all of the things described by the love languages to be incredibly important in a relationship.鈥&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>When it comes to the number of love languages, the studies found inconsistent evidence for the five languages Chapman identifies, while other relationship research shows there are additional ways of expressing and receiving love.</p> <p>鈥淥ne key thing to remember is that Chapman developed the five love languages by working with a sample of white, religious, mixed-gender, traditional couples,鈥 says Impett. 鈥淭here are certain things that are left out, such as affirming a partner鈥檚 personal goals outside of the relationship, which might be significant to couples with more egalitarian values.鈥&nbsp;</p> <p>Most importantly, Impett and her team found no scientific evidence for Chapman鈥檚 central contention that people who choose partners that speak their love language, or learn to speak it, will have more successful relationships.</p> <p>鈥淭here鈥檚 no support for this matching effect,鈥 says Impett. 鈥淧eople are basically happier in relationships when they receive any of these expressions of love.鈥&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>Impett and her collaborators recognize that people crave easy tools to enhance their love lives&nbsp;鈥 which helps explain why Chapman鈥檚 book has sold millions of copies and turned the 鈥渓ove languages鈥 into romantic shorthand.</p> <p>鈥淓veryone wants to be in a good relationship, so we didn鈥檛 just say the love languages are scientifically debunked and stop there,鈥 she says.</p> <p>The team offered an alternative metaphor&nbsp;鈥 one that鈥檚 rooted in research.&nbsp;It proposes that relationships are a balanced diet, where people need a full range of essential nutrients (including the factors described by the five love languages and others such as companionship and emotional support) to nourish lasting love.</p> <p>鈥淚t keeps all expressions of love on the menu and invites partners to share what they need at different times,鈥 says Impett. 鈥淚t allows for the fact that people and relationships aren鈥檛 static and can鈥檛 be categorized into neat boxes.鈥&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>This is not the first time Impett has put&nbsp;common beliefs about relationships&nbsp;to the test. 鈥淚 really like challenging these lay ideas because my goal is always to translate the best scientific evidence to therapists and the general public,鈥 she says.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-news-home-page-banner field--type-boolean field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">News home page banner</div> <div class="field__item">Off</div> </div> Thu, 04 Jan 2024 15:16:15 +0000 Christopher.Sorensen 305138 at Relationship feeling stale? WooYourBoo startup to help couples reconnect /news/relationship-feeling-stale-wooyourboo-startup-help-couples-reconnect <span class="field field--name-title field--type-string field--label-hidden">Relationship feeling stale? WooYourBoo startup to help couples reconnect</span> <div class="field field--name-field-featured-picture field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item"> <img loading="eager" srcset="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/IMG_3105-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=4KrWi0sn 370w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_740/public/IMG_3105-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=LFNsbzNw 740w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_1110/public/IMG_3105-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=_VIG7Am6 1110w" sizes="(min-width:1200px) 1110px, (max-width: 1199px) 80vw, (max-width: 767px) 90vw, (max-width: 575px) 95vw" width="740" height="494" src="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/IMG_3105-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=4KrWi0sn" alt="&quot;&quot;"> </div> <span class="field field--name-uid field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden"><span>Christopher.Sorensen</span></span> <span class="field field--name-created field--type-created field--label-hidden"><time datetime="2023-02-13T14:56:57-05:00" title="Monday, February 13, 2023 - 14:56" class="datetime">Mon, 02/13/2023 - 14:56</time> </span> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-field-cutline-long field--type-text-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Cutline</div> <div class="field__item">Colleen and La Vance Dotson, members of 缅北强奸's Black Founders Network, co-founded WooYourBoo to help couples better communicate with each other through features such as quizzes, activities and rewards (photo courtesy of WooYourBoo)</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-reporters field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/authors-reporters/adina-bresge" hreflang="en">Adina Bresge</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-topic field--type-entity-reference field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Topic</div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/topics/city-culture" hreflang="en">City &amp; Culture</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-story-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/black-founders-network" hreflang="en">Black Founders Network</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/entrepreneurship" hreflang="en">Entrepreneurship</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/faculty-kinesiology-physical-education" hreflang="en">Faculty of Kinesiology &amp; Physical Education</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/relationships" hreflang="en">Relationships</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/startups" hreflang="en">Startups</a></div> </div> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field__item"><p style="margin-bottom:11px">Falling in love is easy 鈥 but staying in love takes work.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">That鈥檚 why husband-and-wife co-founders La Vance and <b>Colleen Dotson</b> decided to launch a dating app tailored for more seasoned lovebirds 鈥 couples who want to 鈥渟wipe right鈥 on strengthening their relationship.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">Supported by the University of Toronto鈥檚 Black Founders Network, <a href="https://www.wooyourboo.com/">WooYourBoo</a> is a digital platform that aims to help partners reconnect and better communicate with each other through features such as quizzes, activities and rewards.</p> <div class="image-with-caption left"> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">&nbsp;</p> <div class="media_embed" height="315px" width="400px"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen frameborder="0" height="315px" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/H9q25_skMuQ" title="YouTube video player" width="400px"></iframe></div> <p>&nbsp;</p> </div> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">Colleen says the app is designed to reignite the excitement of courtship by emulating the gamified thrill of swiping through profiles on a matchmaking app.</p> <p>鈥淪ocial media is not designed to be social in the way it nurtures relationships,鈥 says Colleen, who is also <a href="https://kpe.utoronto.ca/introducing-our-new-uttc-coach">head coach of the 缅北强奸 Track &amp; Field Club</a>.</p> <p>鈥淥ur goal is to create depth and help you reconnect with this person that you鈥檝e committed to 鈥 and make it fun.鈥</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">The idea for WooYourBoo, which is set to launch in the coming weeks, stems from the Dotsons鈥 own relationship trajectory over nearly 15 years, three children and two countries.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">La Vance first met Colleen at the University of Central Missouri, where he was playing football and she was coaching track and field while earning her master鈥檚 degree. But as time went on, their initial infatuation gave way to the familiar challenges of sustaining a long-term relationship.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">One day, Colleen decided to tell La Vance how she was feeling: 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 woo me anymore.鈥</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">La Vance says he felt both offended and inspired.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px"><img alt src="/sites/default/files/screenshots.jpg" style="width: 750px; height: 500px;"></p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">鈥淯p until that point, I had men teaching me how to go pick up a woman. No one had ever sat me down and said, this is how you actually have a successful relationship,鈥 says La Vance. 鈥淲hat she was actually communicating to me was that 鈥榊ou don鈥檛 make me feel loved.鈥</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">鈥淚 told her that it鈥檚 not that I don鈥檛 want to. I just simply don鈥檛 know how to.鈥</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">La Vance recalls wishing that there was an app he could download to guide him; Colleen suggested it calling it WooYourBoo.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">The resulting startup is built on the pair鈥檚 learnings as they worked to better communicate their love with each other. The 鈥渓ove expressions鈥 quiz, for example, allows users to swipe through a series of prompts asking them to pick between two romantic options 鈥 spending quality time together or getting a small gift. Your 鈥渂oo鈥 can then take a test to see if they can guess your preferences.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">The app also uses that data to make suggestions about ways you can make your partner feel loved and work toward mutual goals. There鈥檚 also a feature that awards users points for putting in the effort.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">&nbsp;</p> <div class="image-with-caption right"> <p>&nbsp;</p> <div class="media_embed" width="1px"> <blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfzXHflBovv/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14" height style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);" width="1px"> <div style="padding:16px;"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;">&nbsp;</div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; 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font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfzXHflBovv/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank">View this post on Instagram</a></div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;">&nbsp;</div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);">&nbsp;</div> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;">&nbsp;</div> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);">&nbsp;</div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; 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border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;">&nbsp;</div> </div> <p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfzXHflBovv/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;" target="_blank">A post shared by WooYourBoo (@wooeternal)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <script async height src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js" width="1px"></script></div> <p>&nbsp;</p> </div> <p>The Dotsons say the <a href="https://entrepreneurs.utoronto.ca/for-entrepreneurs/black-founders-network/">Black Founders Network</a> (BFN) has been instrumental in building WooYourBoo, which was among the inaugural cohort of the <a href="https://entrepreneurs.utoronto.ca/for-entrepreneurs/bfn-accelerate/">BFN Accelerate Program</a>.</p> <p>鈥淲hen you鈥檙e in a space with people who may come the same background as you, who may talk like you and look like you and have a similar experience, it makes accomplishing any task a lot easier,鈥 La Vance says.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">鈥淚t鈥檚 helping us connect with people and other organizations that on our own we may not have access to, but through the community of the BFN, we do.鈥</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">BFN founder and manager <b>Efosa Obano</b> says the couple鈥檚 focus on building connections could be a competitive advantage in a crowded dating app market.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">鈥淚 think it鈥檚 really going to take off because it鈥檚 so much more than just matching with someone based on their profile pictures,鈥 Obano says. 鈥淭hey鈥檝e taken a more thoughtful approach to helping you understand yourself and how you connect with others and coaching you through every phase of your dating or relationship journey.鈥</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">The Dotsons say they can personally attest to WooYourBoo鈥檚 effectiveness. They鈥檙e also betting there are many other couples who can relate to their struggles.</p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px">鈥淵ou have to keep wooing your boo because you鈥檙e going to discover more things to love about them that you didn鈥檛 know were there,鈥 says Colleen. 鈥淚t becomes exciting because you get to date that person all over again<i>.</i></p> <p style="margin-bottom:11px"><i>鈥</i>It could be a new relationship every time if you allow it to be.鈥<i></i></p> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-news-home-page-banner field--type-boolean field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">News home page banner</div> <div class="field__item">Off</div> </div> Mon, 13 Feb 2023 19:56:57 +0000 Christopher.Sorensen 179933 at Forever alone... and thriving? 缅北强奸 expert examines link between attachment styles and life satisfaction /news/forever-alone-and-thriving-u-t-expert-examines-link-between-attachment-styles-and-life <span class="field field--name-title field--type-string field--label-hidden">Forever alone... and thriving? 缅北强奸 expert examines link between attachment styles and life satisfaction</span> <div class="field field--name-field-featured-picture field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item"> <img loading="eager" srcset="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/iStock-450140983-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=RJC36YJQ 370w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_740/public/iStock-450140983-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=-f2RqIEh 740w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_1110/public/iStock-450140983-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=GSg32iwj 1110w" sizes="(min-width:1200px) 1110px, (max-width: 1199px) 80vw, (max-width: 767px) 90vw, (max-width: 575px) 95vw" width="740" height="494" src="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/iStock-450140983-crop.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=RJC36YJQ" alt="woman looks off into a sunset"> </div> <span class="field field--name-uid field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden"><span>Christopher.Sorensen</span></span> <span class="field field--name-created field--type-created field--label-hidden"><time datetime="2022-04-07T11:47:20-04:00" title="Thursday, April 7, 2022 - 11:47" class="datetime">Thu, 04/07/2022 - 11:47</time> </span> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-field-cutline-long field--type-text-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Cutline</div> <div class="field__item">(photo by lolostock/iStockPhoto)</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-reporters field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/authors-reporters/josslyn-johnstone" hreflang="en">Josslyn Johnstone</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-topic field--type-entity-reference field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Topic</div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/topics/our-community" hreflang="en">Our Community</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-story-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/faculty-arts-science" hreflang="en">Faculty of Arts &amp; Science</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/psychology" hreflang="en">Psychology</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/relationships" hreflang="en">Relationships</a></div> </div> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field__item"><p>Why are some happier flying solo while others want a romantic partner? Are some people truly better off alone?</p> <p><strong>Geoff MacDonald</strong>, a professor in the department of psychology in the University of Toronto's Faculty of Arts &amp; Science, investigated the topic in a recent study that resulted in the first data to connect 鈥渁ttachment styles鈥 to how happy people are with being single and with their lives overall.&nbsp;</p> <div class="image-with-caption left"> <div><img alt src="/sites/default/files/geoff-macdonald-portrait.jpg" style="width: 200px; height: 234px;"><em><span style="font-size:12px;">Geoff MacDonald&nbsp;(photo by&nbsp;Lucy Jung)</span></em></div> </div> <p>The study, co-authored with 缅北强奸 alumna and University of California, San Francisco post-doctoral researcher,&nbsp;<strong>Yoobin Park</strong>, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/pere.12416">appeared in the journal <em>Personal Relationships</em>.</a></p> <p>Attachment styles are a combination of personality traits and adult relationship experience. They can fall into three categories: secure, avoidant and anxious. Think of them as individual filters that influence how people experience connections with others, and how they expect their relationships will unfold.</p> <p>鈥淯nderstanding your own attachment style will help you understand to what degree a relationship will satisfy your goals,鈥 says MacDonald, the acting chair of the psychology department <a href="https://www.macdonaldlab.ca/">whose lab focuses on issues of social connection and disconnection</a>. 鈥淔or example, an anxious person wants to be in a relationship to feel better about themselves, but that鈥檚 not how it works 鈥 they end up feeling unhappy anyway 鈥 whereas a secure person wants one not as a self-esteem boost, but for companionship.鈥</p> <p>Securely attached singles 鈥 those with low levels of avoidance and anxiety 鈥 expect others will be welcoming and comforting, and meet their emotional needs through many relationship types, including friends and family. 鈥淪ecurely attached folks are skilled at managing negative emotions and, to put it plainly, better at life,鈥 says MacDonald. 鈥淚t鈥檚 no surprise that we found they鈥檙e better at singlehood and generally satisfied with life.鈥</p> <p>The most interesting findings had to do with avoidantly attached people, who prioritize independence over intimacy and tend to distrust other people. This group reported being satisfied with their single status 鈥&nbsp;but less happy with life overall. As Park puts it:&nbsp;鈥淒espite common belief, there seems to be more to being a happy single than simply not wanting a partner.鈥</p> <p>MacDonald notes that most of the literature about individuals with higher attachment avoidance examines them in romantic relationships 鈥 an uncomfortable situation&nbsp;for them 鈥&nbsp;and therefore the data may be incomplete.</p> <p>鈥淔or a long time, we thought avoidant people deeply want love, but suppress this desire because they fear the vulnerability that鈥檚 necessary for building intimate relationships. Turns out that this just may not be what they鈥檙e interested in. They may be more fulfilled by their work life, for example.鈥 Exactly why these avoidants are lower in overall life satisfaction, however, is still an open question that MacDonald鈥檚 lab is looking to answer.</p> <p>In contrast to the avoidantly attached, anxiously attached people crave intimacy but fear potential rejection from others. They experience high levels of negative emotion and tend to feel overly dependent on close relationships.&nbsp;People in this group aren't happy about being single, nor with life in general, and strongly desire&nbsp;a partner.</p> <p>One of the ways anxious people deal with their negative emotions is by relying on others, which is why they are particularly attracted to relationships and yet find themselves struggling to be happy while in them. MacDonald explains that for anxiously attached people to have more success romantically, they need to better manage emotional distress: 鈥淭herapy is one tool that can help. They can learn how to be empowered to choose partners that bring out their best, happiest selves instead of coupling up as a quick fix for stress.鈥</p> <p>Anxious types can also take the pressure off romantic relationships by placing more value on the connections they have with their friends and family, he added.</p> <p>鈥淭here鈥檚 a cultural tendency to focus on how people get their emotional needs met solely in the romantic-relationship context. When looking at the experiences of single people as a researcher, you take into consideration all these other relationships that are either supportive resources or the causes of problems for individuals,鈥 MacDonald says.</p> <p>This is one reason why securely attached people are generally happy being single 鈥&nbsp;because they maintain close relationships in other realms, MacDonald explains.</p> <p>In another study, he and Park examined the determinants of sexual satisfaction for singles.&nbsp;Perhaps not surprisingly, singles who are happier with their sex lives appear happier being single&nbsp;and less interested in a committed, romantic relationship.</p> <p>Singlehood research has traditionally focused on the role of romantic relationships in single people鈥檚 lives. Now, labs like MacDonald鈥檚 are drawing attention to the fact that single people have a lot more going on in their lives than wanting or not wanting a romantic relationship 鈥&nbsp;they have families, friends, careers and hobbies that all help determine how happy they are.</p> <p>鈥淪tage of life is a factor as well,鈥 MacDonald says. 鈥淓vidence shows that younger generations are happier with singlehood than older generations, and ultimately that older single people who don鈥檛 want a romantic partner are the happiest single people overall.鈥</p> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-news-home-page-banner field--type-boolean field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">News home page banner</div> <div class="field__item">Off</div> </div> Thu, 07 Apr 2022 15:47:20 +0000 Christopher.Sorensen 174005 at Give and take: 缅北强奸 researcher says its crucial for couples to talk about their needs /news/give-and-take-u-t-researcher-says-its-crucial-couples-talk-about-their-needs <span class="field field--name-title field--type-string field--label-hidden">Give and take: 缅北强奸 researcher says its crucial for couples to talk about their needs</span> <div class="field field--name-field-featured-picture field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item"> <img loading="eager" srcset="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/UTM_Rebecca_Horne_01.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=GkdZdjSl 370w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_740/public/UTM_Rebecca_Horne_01.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=WKEF2UXf 740w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_1110/public/UTM_Rebecca_Horne_01.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=hV37O5PL 1110w" sizes="(min-width:1200px) 1110px, (max-width: 1199px) 80vw, (max-width: 767px) 90vw, (max-width: 575px) 95vw" width="740" height="494" src="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/UTM_Rebecca_Horne_01.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=GkdZdjSl" alt="Portrait of Rebecca Horne"> </div> <span class="field field--name-uid field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden"><span>Christopher.Sorensen</span></span> <span class="field field--name-created field--type-created field--label-hidden"><time datetime="2020-02-14T12:06:20-05:00" title="Friday, February 14, 2020 - 12:06" class="datetime">Fri, 02/14/2020 - 12:06</time> </span> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-field-cutline-long field--type-text-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Cutline</div> <div class="field__item">Rebecca Horne, a PhD student at 缅北强奸 Mississauga, is studying sacrifice in romantic relationships and is currently collecting data on couples who relocate for a partner's job, and how relationships change as a result (photo by Drew Lesiuczok)</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-reporters field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/authors-reporters/patricia-lonergan" hreflang="en">Patricia Lonergan</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-topic field--type-entity-reference field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Topic</div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/topics/city-culture" hreflang="en">City &amp; Culture</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-story-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/graduate-students" hreflang="en">Graduate Students</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/psychology" hreflang="en">Psychology</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/relationships" hreflang="en">Relationships</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/u-t-mississauga" hreflang="en">缅北强奸 Mississauga</a></div> </div> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field__item"><p>When is the last time you and your partner had a heart-to-heart about your respective&nbsp;needs and how they are being met? A University of Toronto researcher,&nbsp;whose work focuses on sacrifice in romantic relationships, is encouraging couples to have that talk.</p> <p>鈥淥pen discussions about needs generally is crucial to relationships, which may sound really silly and obvious, but I think it鈥檚 quite striking how little we know about our own needs or our partner鈥檚 needs, and the best way we can go about meeting each other鈥檚 needs,鈥 says&nbsp;<strong>Rebecca Horne</strong>,<strong>&nbsp;</strong>a<strong>&nbsp;</strong>PhD student in psychology at 缅北强奸 Mississauga.</p> <p>Relationships are often built on give and take. That might mean watching a movie one partner wants to see or choosing a restaurant one partner prefers. But sometimes those little sacrifices can be much larger. Someone might give up their goals, their job or even their friends for their partner.</p> <p>The impact those bigger sacrifices have is the focus of Horne鈥檚 research. She is currently collecting data on couples who relocate for one partner鈥檚 job and examining how relationships change as a result. She plans to follow 150 couples over a period of one year.</p> <p>Her current project is an extension of a paper she co-authored <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2019-74948-001">that was published last year in the&nbsp;<em>Journal of Family Psychology</em></a>, which takes this idea of sacrifice a step further and examines what consistently putting the needs of a partner before one鈥檚 own needs has on relationship satisfaction.</p> <p>The key reason people in long-term relationships continue to give, even if it鈥檚 detrimental to them personally, is because they get some relational benefit, Horne says, noting it鈥檚 a tradeoff between personal well-being and relationship well-being. Whether that鈥檚 good or bad depends on the person, she says.</p> <p>It is important for people to reflect on the type of supporter they tend to be when in a relationship, how they meet their partner鈥檚 needs and in&nbsp;what ways they like to meet their own needs, Horne says.</p> <p>鈥淚s it in line with how you like to give care and support, or do you find it exhausting or overburdening?鈥 she asks. 鈥淒oes it work well for you or not?鈥</p> <p>Doing things for a partner one might not do for themselves might be good for the relationship to some extent, but partners should be mindful of the boundaries of such giving behaviour and determine if there are some needs being neglected, Horne says.</p> <p>Perhaps a couple hasn鈥檛 done something one partner wants to do for a long time. That partner needs to decide if they are OK with that, if there鈥檚 a reason this has happened, or if it鈥檚 a pattern that鈥檚 developing in the relationship, Horne explains. And if it is a pattern, then the partner needs to assess if they are comfortable with that.</p> <p>鈥淚t鈥檚 really about taking stock of how support and care is playing out in a romantic relationship, in a more explicit way, so certain patterns and routines don鈥檛 become set in stone and set you on a trajectory you don鈥檛 really want to be on,鈥 Horne says.</p> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-news-home-page-banner field--type-boolean field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">News home page banner</div> <div class="field__item">Off</div> </div> Fri, 14 Feb 2020 17:06:20 +0000 Christopher.Sorensen 162704 at The relationship between sexual narcissism and satisfaction: new study from 缅北强奸 /news/relationship-between-sexual-narcissism-and-satisfaction-new-study-u-t <span class="field field--name-title field--type-string field--label-hidden">The relationship between sexual narcissism and satisfaction: new study from 缅北强奸</span> <div class="field field--name-field-featured-picture field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item"> <img loading="eager" srcset="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/2017-02-14-sex.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=pLTbB8kW 370w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_740/public/2017-02-14-sex.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=WGe1o3no 740w, /sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_1110/public/2017-02-14-sex.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=QAnUqySt 1110w" sizes="(min-width:1200px) 1110px, (max-width: 1199px) 80vw, (max-width: 767px) 90vw, (max-width: 575px) 95vw" width="740" height="494" src="/sites/default/files/styles/news_banner_370/public/2017-02-14-sex.jpg?h=afdc3185&amp;itok=pLTbB8kW" alt="photo of a couple embracing by the water"> </div> <span class="field field--name-uid field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden"><span>ullahnor</span></span> <span class="field field--name-created field--type-created field--label-hidden"><time datetime="2017-02-14T07:54:35-05:00" title="Tuesday, February 14, 2017 - 07:54" class="datetime">Tue, 02/14/2017 - 07:54</time> </span> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-field-cutline-long field--type-text-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Cutline</div> <div class="field__item">Trio of 缅北强奸 Mississauga researchers looked at how people view their sex lives in comparison to others (photo by Steve Corey via Flickr)</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-reporters field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/authors-reporters/elaine-smith" hreflang="en">Elaine Smith</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-legacy field--type-string field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Author legacy</div> <div class="field__item">Elaine Smith</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-topic field--type-entity-reference field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Topic</div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/topics/breaking-research" hreflang="en">Breaking Research</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-story-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/sex" hreflang="en">sex</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/u-t-mississauga" hreflang="en">缅北强奸 Mississauga</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/relationships" hreflang="en">Relationships</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-subheadline field--type-string-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Subheadline</div> <div class="field__item">Researchers ask: Is comparison the thief of joy?</div> </div> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field__item"><p>If you learned that your next-door neighbours were having sexual relations more frequently than you and your partner, would it bother you?</p> <p>Three 缅北强奸 researchers set out to understand how people view their sex lives in comparison to others and discovered that sexual narcissism colours the way people make and view those comparisons.&nbsp;</p> <p>鈥淔or some people, those comparisons are pretty influential,鈥 said <strong>Lisa Day</strong>, a PhD candidate at U&nbsp;of T Mississauga.</p> <p>In new research published in the <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0146167216678862"><em>Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin</em></a>, Day<strong>, Emily Impett</strong>, a psychology professor at 缅北强奸 Mississauga,&nbsp;and <strong>Amy Muise</strong>, who is now a York University professor,&nbsp;looked at how these comparisons affect both relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction for people with varying degrees of sexual narcissism.&nbsp;</p> <p>Sexual narcissism, which should not be confused with general narcissistic personality traits, is&nbsp;defined as 鈥渢he tendency to exploit others, a lack of empathy, feelings of grandiosity and an excessive need for validation in the sexual domain.鈥</p> <p>They鈥檙e the people, for example, who buy you dinner and expect sexual favours in return.</p> <p>The trio of researchers discovered that many people seemed to be curious about the sex lives of others. Individuals who had a high degree of sexual narcissism were very susceptible to comparisons with others, regardless of whether the source was friends, colleagues, survey data or magazine articles. They tended to make comparisons that were favourable to themselves. Comparisons that showed them in a lesser light&nbsp;appeared to decrease their satisfaction, both with their sexual relationship and their overall relationship.</p> <p>鈥淚ndividuals with a high degree of sexual narcissism tend to make comparisons with those who are less sexually skilled, for example,鈥 Day said. 鈥淲hen they do make comparisons with someone doing better than they were, it gets under their skin.鈥&nbsp;</p> <p>By contrast, individuals with a low degree of sexual narcissism weren鈥檛 affected by favourable comparisons. It didn鈥檛 impact how sexually satisfied they were or how much satisfaction they derived from their relationships.</p> <p>The researchers reached these conclusions through three studies that used participants from the Amazon survey roster. In each study, the participants were measured for sexual narcissism and for personality narcissism. In the first study, participants were asked to recall the most recent comparison they had made between their sex lives and that of others.</p> <p>The researchers assessed the direction of these comparisons.</p> <p>鈥淧eople who were higher in sexual narcissism were more likely to recall a [favourable] social comparison, which in turn predicted greater sexual and relationship satisfaction immediately after recalling that comparison,鈥 they wrote.</p> <p>In the second study, the researchers asked the participants how much they would be bothered by sexual comparisons with those who had more prowess or more regular sexual relations if those people were: (a) their best friend, (b) their partner鈥檚 best friend, and (c) the average couple. The results, wrote the researchers, 鈥渟howed that people who were higher in sexual narcissism reported that they would be more bothered by [such]&nbsp;social comparisons, and, in turn, reported lower sexual and relationship satisfaction.鈥</p> <p>In the third study, subjects were given a doctored magazine article relating to sexuality and randomly asked to compare its findings to their own sex lives. They were then asked about their satisfaction with their personal relationships and their sexual relationships. As anticipated, those with a high degree of sexual narcissism were very sensitive to such comparisons and were dissatisfied with their sexual and personal relationships when forced to compare themselves in a non-favourable way.</p> <p>鈥淧eople are curious about the sexuality of others and make comparisons that impact how they feel about their own relationships,鈥 Day said. 鈥淭his curiosity has opened a completely new line of research for us.鈥</p> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-news-home-page-banner field--type-boolean field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">News home page banner</div> <div class="field__item">Off</div> </div> Tue, 14 Feb 2017 12:54:35 +0000 ullahnor 104958 at How feeling good about your lover might be bad for your sexual health /news/how-feeling-good-about-your-lover-might-be-bad-your-sexual-health <span class="field field--name-title field--type-string field--label-hidden">How feeling good about your lover might be bad for your sexual health</span> <span class="field field--name-uid field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden"><span>sgupta</span></span> <span class="field field--name-created field--type-created field--label-hidden"><time datetime="2016-02-26T02:48:08-05:00" title="Friday, February 26, 2016 - 02:48" class="datetime">Fri, 02/26/2016 - 02:48</time> </span> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-field-cutline-long field--type-text-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Cutline</div> <div class="field__item">鈥淲e want secure attachments in relationships, so it鈥檚 interesting to see that feelings of security seem to promote unsafe sex,鈥 John Sakaluk says.</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-reporters field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/authors-reporters/blake-eligh" hreflang="en">Blake Eligh</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-legacy field--type-string field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Author legacy</div> <div class="field__item">Blake Eligh</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-topic field--type-entity-reference field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Topic</div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/topics/breaking-research" hreflang="en">Breaking Research</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-story-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/features" hreflang="en">Features</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/utm" hreflang="en">UTM</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/relationships" hreflang="en">Relationships</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/research" hreflang="en">Research</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-subheadline field--type-string-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Subheadline</div> <div class="field__item">鈥淚f you feel generally good about other people鈥檚 intentions, you鈥檒l be less likely to be concerned about unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases鈥</div> </div> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field__item"><p><a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-015-0618-x/fulltext.html">A new study</a> from 缅北强奸 Mississauga psychology researcher <strong>John Sakaluk</strong> has found that the better you are bonded to your partner, the less likely you are to want to practice safe sex with them.</p> <p>The three-part study surveyed heterosexual subjects online and in a lab setting, and asked participants to recall times when they held secure, anxious or avoidant feelings about another person. Once the mental mood was set, Sakaluk and co-researcher <strong>Omri Gillath</strong> asked participants a variety of questions to gauge feelings about condom use during sex.</p> <p>Sakaluk says&nbsp;respondents who reported feeling more secure with their partner also reported that they were less likely to use a condom.</p> <p>鈥淪ex doesn鈥檛 happen in an emotional vacuum,鈥 Sakaluk adds. 鈥淚t鈥檚 happening between two people. Even in a one-night stand, people are pursuing some kind of psychological and physical connection. There are a lot of feelings involved.鈥</p> <p>鈥淲e used experimental methods to manipulate people鈥檚 feelings about how secure they felt in their relationships,鈥 he says. The team then measured how those feelings of attachment or closeness might affect attitudes towards condom use.</p> <p>Sakaluk says&nbsp;experimentally setting the mental mood helps to provide evidence that feelings of security actually cause changes in condom use attitudes. 鈥淢uch of the data we have on psychology and safe sex is assessed through self-report surveys,鈥 he says, adding that simply correlating psychological variables like security and attitudes towards condom use can provide inconclusive results about cause and effect.</p> <p>The first two parts of Sakaluk鈥檚 research found that when participants were encouraged to feel secure about a partner, they reported feeling that the other person was generally well-intentioned and trustworthy. These assumptions can have repercussions on attitudes towards sexual safety, he says.</p> <p>鈥淲e see that they perceive sexual partners as less of a threat to their health, which results in more negative attitudes toward condom use,鈥 Sakaluk says. 鈥淚f you feel generally good about other people鈥檚 intentions, you鈥檒l be less likely to be concerned about unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. It鈥檚 irrational, but you feel like you can trust the other person and bad things aren鈥檛 going to happen.鈥</p> <p>In the third part of Sakaluk鈥檚 research, his team observed how many condoms participants would take after being encouraged to feel secure.</p> <p>The condoms participants were given were also altered for the experiment.&nbsp;Some participants received condoms that read 鈥淧rotect YOUR Sexual Health.鈥 Others received condoms that read 鈥淧rotect YOUR PARTNER鈥橲 Sexual Health.鈥 The team found that when people were encouraged to feel secure, they took fewer condoms when the importance of their own sexual health was stressed, compared to when the importance of their partner鈥檚 sexual health was stressed.</p> <p>鈥淪ecurity is generally a good thing&nbsp;鈥&nbsp;we want secure attachments in relationships, so it鈥檚 interesting to see that feelings of security seem&nbsp;to promote unsafe sex,鈥 he says.</p> <p>Canadian statistics&nbsp;show reported rates of chlamydia, gonorrhea and infectious syphilis have been rising since the late 1990s, and this trend is expected to continue in Canada and other similarly developed countries such as the United States, Australia and the United Kingdom.</p> <p>鈥淢y research shows that we have to consider the emotional context and how people might feel about those relationships as a part of the decision-making process to use a condom," he says. "When it comes to gut feelings about sexual attitudes, it has real medical health consequences.鈥</p> <p>鈥<a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-015-0618-x/fulltext.html">The Causal Effects of Relational Security and Insecurity on Condom Use Attitudes and Acquisition Behavior</a>鈥 was published in the February 2016 edition of the <em>Archives of Sexual Behavior</em>.</p> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-news-home-page-banner field--type-boolean field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">News home page banner</div> <div class="field__item">Off</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-picpath field--type-string field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">picpath</div> <div class="field__item">sites/default/files/2016-02-25-sexual-health-lede.jpg</div> </div> Fri, 26 Feb 2016 07:48:08 +0000 sgupta 7676 at Relationship research: happiness is not a match made in heaven /news/relationship-research-happiness-not-match-made-heaven <span class="field field--name-title field--type-string field--label-hidden">Relationship research: happiness is not a match made in heaven</span> <span class="field field--name-uid field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden"><span>sgupta</span></span> <span class="field field--name-created field--type-created field--label-hidden"><time datetime="2014-07-24T10:22:03-04:00" title="Thursday, July 24, 2014 - 10:22" class="datetime">Thu, 07/24/2014 - 10:22</time> </span> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-field-cutline-long field--type-text-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Cutline</div> <div class="field__item">Couples who take pride in talking it out, working through challenges, have better relationships than those who see themselves as soul mates destined to be together, study finds (photo by Patrick via Flickr)</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-reporters field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/authors-reporters/ken-mcguffin" hreflang="en">Ken McGuffin</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-legacy field--type-string field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Author legacy</div> <div class="field__item">Ken McGuffin</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-topic field--type-entity-reference field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Topic</div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/topics/breaking-research" hreflang="en">Breaking Research</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-story-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/features" hreflang="en">Features</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/relationships" hreflang="en">Relationships</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/research" hreflang="en">Research</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-subheadline field--type-string-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Subheadline</div> <div class="field__item">Forget destiny; focus instead on how far you've come, study suggests</div> </div> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field__item"><p>Sure, Aristotle may have said, 鈥淟ove is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.鈥 But thinking that you and your partner were made in heaven for each other can hurt your relationship, researchers say.</p> <div> Psychologists observe that people talk and think about love in apparently limitless ways but underlying such diversity are some common themes that frame how we think about relationships. For example, one popular frame considers love as perfect unity (鈥渕ade for each other,鈥 鈥渟he鈥檚 my other half鈥); in another frame, love is a journey (鈥渓ook how far we鈥檝e come,鈥 鈥渨e鈥檝e been through all these things together鈥).</div> <p>These two ways of thinking about relationships are particularly interesting, say study authors and social psychologists <strong>Spike W. S. Lee</strong> of the University of Toronto鈥檚 Rotman School of Management and Norbert Schwarz of the University of Southern California, because they have the power to highlight or downplay the damaging effect of conflicts on relationship evaluation.</p> <p>After all, if two people were really made in heaven for each other, why should they have any conflicts?</p> <p>"Our findings corroborate prior research showing that people who implicitly think of relationships as perfect unity between soulmates have worse relationships than people who implicitly think of relationships as a journey of growing and working things out,鈥 says Lee. 鈥淎pparently, different ways of talking and thinking about love relationship lead to different ways of evaluating it.鈥</p> <p>In one experiment, Lee and Schwarz had people in long-term relationships complete a knowledge quiz that included expressions related to either unity or journey, then recall either conflicts or celebrations with their romantic partner, and finally evaluate their relationship. As predicted, recalling conflicts leads people to feel less satisfied with their relationship 鈥 but only with the unity frame in mind, not with the journey frame in mind. Recalling celebrations makes people satisfied with their relationship regardless of how they think about it.</p> <p>In two follow-up experiments, researchers invoked the unity vs. journey frame in even subtler, more incidental ways. For example, people were asked to identify pairs of geometric shapes to form a full circle (activating unity) or draw a line that gets from point A to point B through a maze (activating journey). Such non-linguistic, merely pictorial cues were sufficient to change the way people evaluated relationships.</p> <p>Again, conflicts hurt relationship satisfaction with the unity frame in mind, not with the journey frame in mind.</p> <p>The study was published in a recent issue of the <em>Journal of Experimental Social Psychology</em>.</p> <div> &nbsp;</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-news-home-page-banner field--type-boolean field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">News home page banner</div> <div class="field__item">Off</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-picpath field--type-string field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">picpath</div> <div class="field__item">sites/default/files/2014-07-24-older-couple.jpg</div> </div> Thu, 24 Jul 2014 14:22:03 +0000 sgupta 6394 at Bad relationships and the fear of being single /news/bad-relationships-and-fear-being-single <span class="field field--name-title field--type-string field--label-hidden">Bad relationships and the fear of being single</span> <span class="field field--name-uid field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden"><span>sgupta</span></span> <span class="field field--name-created field--type-created field--label-hidden"><time datetime="2013-12-04T08:21:30-05:00" title="Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 08:21" class="datetime">Wed, 12/04/2013 - 08:21</time> </span> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-field-cutline-long field--type-text-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Cutline</div> <div class="field__item">Researcher Stephanie Spielmann found that those who fear being single recognize they make poor decisions about dating (photo by Johnny Guatto)</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-reporters field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/authors-reporters/dominic-ali" hreflang="en">Dominic Ali</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-author-legacy field--type-string field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Author legacy</div> <div class="field__item">Dominic Ali</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-topic field--type-entity-reference field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Topic</div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/topics/breaking-research" hreflang="en">Breaking Research</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-story-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field__items"> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/top-stories" hreflang="en">Top Stories</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/students" hreflang="en">Students</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/relationships" hreflang="en">Relationships</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/psychology" hreflang="en">Psychology</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/faculty-arts-science" hreflang="en">Faculty of Arts &amp; Science</a></div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/news/tags/research" hreflang="en">Research</a></div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-subheadline field--type-string-long field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">Subheadline</div> <div class="field__item">Why men and women "settle for less" in relationships</div> </div> <div class="clearfix text-formatted field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field__item"><p>Ever wondered why your otherwise brilliant friends always seem to partner up with less-than-ideal mates? A new University of Toronto study could help explain why.</p> <p>Led by <strong>Stephanie Spielmann</strong>, a&nbsp;postdoctoral researcher in the psychology department, the study found that the fear of being single is a meaningful predictor of settling for less in relationships among both men and women. The results are published in the December edition of the <a href="http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/psp/index.aspx"><em>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology</em></a>.</p> <p>鈥淭hose with stronger fears about being single are willing to settle for less in their relationships,鈥 says Spielmann. 鈥淪ometimes they stay in relationships they aren鈥檛 happy in, and sometimes they want to date people who aren鈥檛 very good for them.</p> <p>鈥淣ow we understand that people鈥檚 anxieties about being single seem to play a key role in these types of unhealthy relationship behaviours.鈥</p> <p>Investigators surveyed several samples of North American adults, consisting of&nbsp;缅北强奸&nbsp;undergraduates and community members from Canada and the U.S. The average age of those sampled was around 30, but respondents varied in age from 17 to 78.</p> <p>One surprising finding was that those who feared being single seemed to recognize that they were making poor decisions about who to date. When researchers, for example, asked people how much they wanted to date someone who seemed like a jerk, those who feared being single acknowledged that the person didn鈥檛 seem nice and that they would be less likely to have a successful, lasting relationship with the person.</p> <p>鈥淏ut they wanted to date this person anyway!鈥 says Spielmann.</p> <p>This suggests that those who fear being single don鈥檛 necessarily have blinders on when it comes to making their relationship decisions, she says. But they seem to want a relationship so badly that they鈥檙e willing to overlook some warning signs.</p> <p>Researchers also found evidence the image of older, single woman as the prototype of fear of being single might not hold true. The study showed that both men and women share similar levels of concern about being single.</p> <p>鈥淚n our results we see men and women having similar concerns about being single, which lead to similar coping behaviours, contradicting the idea that only women struggle with a fear of being single,鈥 says co-author, Professor <strong>Geoff MacDonald</strong> of&nbsp;缅北强奸's&nbsp;Department of Psychology.</p> <p>Ultimately, Spielmann hopes this study will help those who fear being single to become more secure and make better relationship decisions.</p> <p>鈥淎t the very least, what we now know can serve as a reminder to question why you鈥檙e making the choices you do in your relationships,鈥 she says. 鈥淎nd to try to focus on making decisions that are truly in your best interest.鈥</p> <p><em>Dominic Ali is a writer with University Relations at the University of Toronto.</em></p> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-news-home-page-banner field--type-boolean field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">News home page banner</div> <div class="field__item">Off</div> </div> <div class="field field--name-field-picpath field--type-string field--label-above"> <div class="field__label">picpath</div> <div class="field__item">sites/default/files/2013-11-29--SS.jpg</div> </div> Wed, 04 Dec 2013 13:21:30 +0000 sgupta 5759 at